never learn a goddamn thing

mit der art

2009-08-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

to try and say you've never felt wretched
low down dirty and vile
is to try and say you've never felt
for to feel is to climb from the rotten bottom rung
where nobody can stand you
the mirror is foreign
and you are something to be forgotten
at that bottom rung
eating itself away like it eats away at you
insides to the outside
guts on show for all to see
and somehow that red
that glistening glittering red
is more attractive than the blondest of girls
the slimmest, most articulate, witty girls
reality is raw and painful
peter pan was only a fairytale
everyone has to grow out of it sometime
that top rung
its still just as rotten, crumbling and unstable
its just that we know

i miss you

2009-06-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

my heart skips a beat when i see you
but my heart does not beat without you
it seems i am lifeless, lost, completely gone to you
but my head hates you
oh red fiery hate it consumes my thoughts
like lust an addiction i'm addicted to resisting you
you could be anyone who threw a glance my way
a kind word, a hushed whisper
the occassional soft breath, a hitch and i'm under
you are not special in your own right
i made you special i made you special
i made you
never forget this i am these emotions
i am the only reason you will ever be written or remembered
what happens when i take my heart back
to give to someone else compeletely wholly with no restraint
will you fade
will you disappear
or will you become special to someone else

i am life's big question

all because of you

2009-05-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

one neverending ceaseless eternal game of one upmanship
im not even playing anymore
of course they all love you they all want you
and its okay to get someone one day but not now
now is not my time is it not
but it is your fault i am what you hate
no need to put myself down when you do that for me
and you make me want to starve
and starve and starve and purge
until theres nothing left but pink insides and a shrunken heart
so i will.

you're oh

2009-05-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

oh, all the joys under the sun (rolled into one)
because you know how much you're worth

sometimes, i wish you didn't.

shaping up a future

2009-04-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

it's always a case of concave versus convex
curving outwards rather than in, flexing this way rather than that
deep in my subconscious that is the reason for all of this
if only i could be concave
instead of taking up literal space, the mental is so much more worthy

no wonder he doesn't like you.
ginormous fatty mess.

about a late night

2009-04-24T15:18:00.000-07:00

the flicker of eyes, slowly one way then the next
drinking in your surroundings but you keep your mouth shut
about everything you've seen and heard
this is the part where your senses all blur into one
and you cannot decipher past from present
because in the future it all ends up as a choice, a decision we were once free to make

i chose to love you
and you chose to never know that
tonight, i will keep my eyes and ears shut
i will keep quiet and i will not feel a thing
i cannot, must not, will not taste you on my tongue
you are a barrage of emotions but i'm sorry
this platform is full there is no room for your complexities

let the rays cut through your sleep
and wake you slowly
and i hope, when your eyes are adjusting and your ears are flooded with sounds
that you think of me and only me
and that you can still feel the brush of my hands
as i waved goodbye

that's a lot of red

2009-04-22T14:18:00.001-07:00

nobody ever tells you what you're supposed to do
because you're meant to figure it all out by yourself
but when we mess up (which is inevitable) they come crashing down
like the vicious waves that would have taken penelope
if only she weren't part naiad.

we should all be born part naiad, that way the waves wouldn't get us down
but our failures = anchors

now i know

2009-03-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

it's no wonder they don't take you seriously
when you can't even get things done

every time this happens i bury my head
and hope it turns out okay
but i get the feeling it's not going to this time

sometimes

2009-03-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

im really glad nobody reads this because its the only private place i have even though its slapped on the internet like some big fucking opportunity
im not surprised that i wasnt but i wanted to be but i guess nobody takes you seriously if you dont act it
not sure whats worse my disappointment or theirs probably theirs because i know how hard it is right now

but none of that really matters because ive got it all planned and sorted and i cant wait

scraped away old cells and im new all over and you havent had chance to taint meeee
and tonight im going to drink it all away
i think i picked a really shitty role model in you gerard way
im gonna make something of myself though just like you did boyyy
haha party time.

same cell

2009-03-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

im keeping to these shadows
and marking all your moves in chalk and dust
sugar im chasing sunsets and cruising dawn
my six packs choking up with all this rust
and the lies that spilled from a pretty mouth
choked on the barrel of a gun choke these words down
we'll spin some lies and weave a web
get away cars and its all too much
altars never stained so red and all those demons in your head
she's sleeping in a box of six by three
house of the dead, burn her blood and swallow it down
come on sugar we all fake it in vanity lair
i've no reflection (on the matter or the mirror)
its the light thats burn your skin get back inside
draw the angels to the dark we'll take their halos
and keep them with our dreams we don't need them where we're going
hell is no place for lovers honey
hell is no place for you
hell is where we're going honey
get used to the flames they're so in love with you

from the & h e a r t s ;

2009-03-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

you have to get through the present to enjoy the future
i'm not suffering through i'm in love with the present
but my future is bright my future sparkles
my future is you

well

2009-03-09T15:45:00.001-07:00

sucker for punishment
sprinting down memory lane
and i twisted my ankle

come flying low

2009-03-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

she's an angel look at her wings
sucked you in got you captured now
no fucking angel on the inside
oh, a heart of coal and wheres your soul
sold it long ago to a handsome stranger
came in the night promised riches and power
wanted it he had it
he sold it he told it you own it
the devils got his own hes got his eye on you
and youre never gonna get away (get away from him)
cos im coming for you, oh angel watch your back
they say vampires live forever
well, vampires will never hurt you
no theyll never hurt you just take all you have
and leave you with nothing but your rotted little head
and your mother trying to put the pieces of your skull back together
theyre never gonna fit (oh god, oh god)
we never fit in and your brainll never fit
ill paint the walls with you wait and see
its just a matter of time cos you sold your soul
and youve got nothing left
they can hear your pulse but youve got no heart
what are they gonna take, sugar
well theyre gonna take what you hold dear
theyre gonna take your tongue

todesschmerzen

2009-03-06T05:40:00.000-08:00

its time for the night of our lives
get the shotgun were riding out
take them down for all theyve done
lets go down in a show of flames
theyll never catch us where we go
were hitched up with nines
father forgive them for they know not what we will do
but you knew all along
this was coming (its been a long time coming)
sugar lets take them down
put your hand in mine
youre not going alone take me down with you
revenge has never looked as good
as the reflection of bullets in your eyes
well kiss the angels goodbye
theyll never see us again
not where were going (oh were going down)
so far the flames wont touch us
no fire no punishment
traitors death well die at their hands
as they will die in ours
see you in hell sugar
ill be waiting dont you worry

high and dry

2009-02-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

lipstick scrawled on forearms
forewarns of a late night stake out
gone by morning but digits remain
scarlet letters on skin mapped in minds
im a port in a storm
convenience never meant more on high seas
oars out, this captain aint going down
not with this ship (oh no, not you)
well set sail anchor up
conquerers of hearts and dreamers of dreams
youre sleeping in beds unmade
and these sheets wont see light
not until youre gone
left nothing but your perfume
its more than i asked for (you always were)
so heres how im doing, just fine without you
on the outside
storms are brewing i see shores
well wreck this ship and leave it burning
this captain aint going down

occupational hazard

2009-02-26T14:40:00.000-08:00

second guess yourself
but don't ever make an estimation
overestimation and over indulgence
over you, youre something to get over
like a hurdle but i fell at first
never fell for you but you fell for me
i want in i want out
i dont know where to be but i know where i am
and its not the place for me
im here for the fame and the adoration
but all the haters got me covered
they got my back and i can back them up
but don't let them get your back up
oh youre spilling your guts all over
invite said black tie only
its crimson night tonight and nobodys an exception
were all exceptional but its never looked so mundane
whats the point in existing
to be pointless a nobody a nothing
who will amount to everything
if only i got the motivation
or inspiration
inspire me i dare you
ive got this gun to your throat and its oh so inspiring
were all so fucking inspired like you wouldnt believe
excuse me whilst i waste my life
on a bet a gamble a flutter
im betting against me and the odds are in favour
lady lucks on my side but she wishes she wasnt
neither do i

it's a no go

2009-02-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

vampires and werewolves and graphic novels
no superheroes theres too much kryptonite to let you down
sometimes i think about the end and is it going to be at the barrel of a gun
or fangs or claws or dozens of prize pennies
is most frightening to think of a bed with white sheets
an iv line
a panic button
and nobody at the bedside

the worst feeling is being drunk
and wanting to be drunker
or knowing theyre only talking to you out of face
politeness and god knows what else it might be sympathy
that would be worse
if i could draw id draw myself out
not erase thats too easy
hard lines and scribbles and forcing myself out

honey if you stay ill be forgiven
nothing you can say can stop me going home