mit der art

to try and say you've never felt wretched
low down dirty and vile
is to try and say you've never felt
for to feel is to climb from the rotten bottom rung
where nobody can stand you
the mirror is foreign
and you are something to be forgotten
at that bottom rung
eating itself away like it eats away at you
insides to the outside
guts on show for all to see
and somehow that red
that glistening glittering red
is more attractive than the blondest of girls
the slimmest, most articulate, witty girls
reality is raw and painful
peter pan was only a fairytale
everyone has to grow out of it sometime
that top rung
its still just as rotten, crumbling and unstable
its just that we know

i miss you

my heart skips a beat when i see you
but my heart does not beat without you
it seems i am lifeless, lost, completely gone to you
but my head hates you
oh red fiery hate it consumes my thoughts
like lust an addiction i'm addicted to resisting you
you could be anyone who threw a glance my way
a kind word, a hushed whisper
the occassional soft breath, a hitch and i'm under
you are not special in your own right
i made you special i made you special
i made you
never forget this i am these emotions
i am the only reason you will ever be written or remembered
what happens when i take my heart back
to give to someone else compeletely wholly with no restraint
will you fade
will you disappear
or will you become special to someone else

i am life's big question

all because of you

one neverending ceaseless eternal game of one upmanship
im not even playing anymore
of course they all love you they all want you
and its okay to get someone one day but not now
now is not my time is it not
but it is your fault i am what you hate
no need to put myself down when you do that for me
and you make me want to starve
and starve and starve and purge
until theres nothing left but pink insides and a shrunken heart
so i will.

you're oh

oh, all the joys under the sun (rolled into one)
because you know how much you're worth

sometimes, i wish you didn't.

shaping up a future

it's always a case of concave versus convex
curving outwards rather than in, flexing this way rather than that
deep in my subconscious that is the reason for all of this
if only i could be concave
instead of taking up literal space, the mental is so much more worthy

no wonder he doesn't like you.
ginormous fatty mess.

about a late night

the flicker of eyes, slowly one way then the next
drinking in your surroundings but you keep your mouth shut
about everything you've seen and heard
this is the part where your senses all blur into one
and you cannot decipher past from present
because in the future it all ends up as a choice, a decision we were once free to make

i chose to love you
and you chose to never know that
tonight, i will keep my eyes and ears shut
i will keep quiet and i will not feel a thing
i cannot, must not, will not taste you on my tongue
you are a barrage of emotions but i'm sorry
this platform is full there is no room for your complexities

let the rays cut through your sleep
and wake you slowly
and i hope, when your eyes are adjusting and your ears are flooded with sounds
that you think of me and only me
and that you can still feel the brush of my hands
as i waved goodbye

that's a lot of red

nobody ever tells you what you're supposed to do
because you're meant to figure it all out by yourself
but when we mess up (which is inevitable) they come crashing down
like the vicious waves that would have taken penelope
if only she weren't part naiad.

we should all be born part naiad, that way the waves wouldn't get us down
but our failures = anchors